Dallas Stars Movie: Part One

The Stars have just finished practice at the Frisco Stars Center. The players have started changing to get ready to head home and prepare for the game the next day when Tippett walks in angrily.

(Cast list can be found here)

TIPPETT: That was a good practice guys. Check your stalls, cast listing for the Dallas Stars movie is available. Whatever.


TURCO: What’s wrong with him?

ZUBOV: Movie? What this about movie? I no be on camera.

MORROW: Well you know Sergei, if you’d stay after practice and games a little longer you might know what’s going on.

BARCH: I still can’t believe you bought concrete walking skates

ZUBOV: Skates are good for body. I must leave before people find me. ::begins to lace up concrete walking skates::

TURCO: Well before you run out of here Zubie, they are making a movie about our season this year. They just did the casting, and it looks like ::grabs list out of stall:: Gary Oldman will be playing you.

ZUBOV: He on Meerkat Manor?


ZUBOV: Then I not know who he is. ::runs out of locker room::

ROBIDAS: How can he not know who Gary Oldman is? Haven’t his kids ever seen Harry Potter?

NISKANEN: No, they watch Meerkat Manor marathons all day. They aren’t allowed to watch anything else.

OTT: No wonder Tippett is mad, he’s being played by Emilio Estevez.

CONNER: Hey man, he was a good coach in the Mighty Ducks.

DALEY: Brandon Quinton Adams? I’m being played by Jesse Hall?

NISKANEN: Hey Mitzy, you’re Captain Duck.

MORROW: It looks like a lot of Ducks are in this movie, The Bash Brothers, Cakeeater…

MIETTINEN: I going to have to quack?

LEHTINEN: No, this is movie about us Mittens. No quacking.

WINCHESTER: I hope I get to do the Flying V.

TURCO: I’m being played by Papa John the Pizza guy?

RIBEIRO: I’m being played by Borat?

HALPERN: That movie was so awesome.

BOUCHER: That isn’t so bad Ribs.

RIBEIRO: Oh shut up, you’re Batman! ::pulls his hood up and pimp walks out::

ERIKSSON: ::through a mouth full of donuts:: Who is playing me?

LUNDQVIST: Casey Affleck ::stuffs more donuts into Eriksson’s mouth:: I’m being played by Cillian Murphy… nice.

MORROW: Haha look at that, we have the Home Improvement boys.

CONNER: I wonder why I got JTT…

MORROW: Because you’re short.

CONNER: I was hoping I’d be portrayed as being 6’ tall.

::locker room laughs, including Conner::

SMITH: I got the Dick in a Box dude… what the hell? I look much better than he does. It’s not fair some of you get awesome people. I mean hell Norstrom, you’re being played by fucking Ed Harris!

BARCH: I wonder if I’ll get to perform surgery. I loved Carter on ER!

BARNES: ::now fully dressed, gets ready to leave the locker room:: I’ll be back.

SMITH: You’re not Arnold Schwarzenegger dude.

MODANO: Tom Cruise? I hope they plan on putting platform shoes on him…Dude, Robi. You’re Joaquin!

ROBIDAS: I have no complaints.

OTT: ::checks out cast list:: Sweet, I loved American Pie

MORROW: Which one was Eric in Miracle?

DALEY: The hot one.

MORROW: ::gives Daley weird look:: I can deal with that.

HAGMAN: I love Gaspard Ulliel.

DALEY: Jokinen got a pretty boy too.

JOKINEN: Who is this Chad Michael Murray?

DALEY: He’s from One Tree Hill and some teen movies. The girls love him, so I guess they’ll love you too now.

LEHTINEN: Who is Stellan Skarsgard?

MORROW: Bootstrap Bill from Pirates of the Caribbean.

LEHTINEN: Oh, okay. I can deal with that.

WINCHESTER: I can’t wait to do the Flying V.

DALEY: Whatever cake-eater.



4 Responses to “Dallas Stars Movie: Part One”

  1. Caitlin Says:

    “Shut up, you’re Batman” is my new phrase.

    Also, I died.

    Died times 1,000.


  2. Jen Says:

    LOL I’m glad I coined a new phrase!

  3. Cat Says:

    I got the Dick in a Box dude… what the hell? I look much better than he does.


    I wonder if I’ll get to perform surgery. I loved Carter on ER!

    I would live in fear if Barchie ever performed surgery. Everyone remember when he said he would be a child psychologist or something if he weren’t a hockey player? Yeah. Fear like THAT fear.

  4. tippett Says:

    who this tippett guy ???

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